So as much fun as it is watching this collective national pearl clutch about the death of the culture, I think we all know this only going to last about as long as it takes for something more interesting to take over the front pages. We do all love a good terrorism scare, but I feel like Spain is a bit remote for that to do the trick.

I do have some ideas though:

1) A professional football player of note suffers a debilitating concussion and decides to retire in the prime of his career. Meanwhile, in the wake of a Louseiville-esque player/escort scandal some D-III school decides to just cut the football program entirely. Trump interrupts a press conference praising how well his economy is doing to wonder aloud when we became a nation of pussies.

2) In his national Thanksgiving Day speech, The Donald complains about why Native Americans aren't more grateful to the European settlers for bringing their civilizing influence across the sea.

3) Christmas. Trump makes a big deal of declaring an end to the War on Christmas. Richard Spencer and Company hold a rally to defend a small Town Hall manger scene that no one was actually trying to take down anyway. Violence ensues, and our fearless leader says "You know, they've actually got a great point. America was founded as a Christian nation and I think a big part of the problem today is that we've gotten away from that. I've got some very smart people telling me ... VERY smart people ... and they say the 1st Amendment was originally intended to just cover different kinds of Christianity. Sure, the Jews are ok. And I feel like the Hindus aren't really causing any trouble. But I don't think Radical Islamic Terrorists are what the framers had in mind when they wrote the Bill of Rights."

You guys. I can't WAIT for a Very Special Trump Christmas. It's going to be amazing!